Eric: "My name is *mumble mumble*"

Me: "No, your name is Eric David White."

Lily: "Lily's pink!"

Me: "Silly girl. Your name is Lily Valeta Brown. And I am Valeta Jean Brown. And Daddy is Kevin Brown."

Lily: "Kevin Brown? No, Kevin Black. Daddy's black."

Me: "uhm... okay then."

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valeta/sets/72157622748278278/

Dear Eric,

Since the day you were born you have brought such love, wonder and frustration to my life. It's the love and wonder that make all the frustration worth living through.

I know I've not been a perfect mom. There have been days where I was so low I did not recognize that we are in this together. But I honestly do not think a perfect mom exsists.

Now that you are six and finding your independence every little thing becomes a battle. Sometimes you are so stubborn I can't help but laugh. Watching you grow and become your own person is a greater joy then I ever thought possible.

This Thursday, I am thankful life has given me the challenge of being your mother. I love you more then coffee. More then books and more then chicken nuggets. I only hope that one day you realize that all I do (like grounding you) I do out of love.

Love, Mom.

I thought buying a house would be fun. I thought going to open houses and touring other people's homes was exciting. But six months later. I'm done. After getting excited and getting disappointed 4 times this year, I just want it all to be over with all ready.

I am thankful we are lucky enough to afford a house. To get to purchase one. But geeze. It is A LOT more work and worry then I thought it was going to be. All 4 times we have put offers on houses I love the house. I get excited. I make plans what I am going to do with each room. I imagine myself waking up in the house. Then we get outbid or our offer just doesn't get a response. Or my dream house is under contract already.

I'm sick of getting the kids in and out of the car 7 times in 2 hours to look at houses. I am sick of garages and backyards and bathrooms and looking at bedroom sizes. I can't wait to have a home. I can't wait to be a real grown up.

Lily likes to walk around and tell everything it is pretty. "You pretty mom. You pretty dad. Pretty couch. Pretty rope. Pretty legos. Pretty Eric."

Gamma likes to crawl to me when I am in my pajamas and pull my pajama pants down.

Eric likes to tell me fantastic stories that involve ghostbusters, dragons, castles, jedis and santa claus.

Things that are funny and cute.

Eric asks a lot of questions about death and Jesus. And sometimes I don't know how to answer him. Because I don't know myself. Was Jesus real? Is there really a Heaven. I don't know honey, if I knew I would tell you.

Lily has been hitting and bitting and throwing true drama queen tantrums. I sometimes have to just walk away until she calms down.

Gamma sometimes wants to be held all day and I feel like I will lose my mind.

Things that are hard and make me realize I am alive.

Its days like today that I need to work on my patience. Today the babies wouldn't nap. Today the dog pooped on the carpet. I have a gigantic zit on my chin. The dog is barking at cats in the window.

I was getting the kids ready in the morning and I couldn't find Lily's shoes. "Fuck!" I yelled. My goal this week was not to curse. "Damn it! I cussed." Lily walks over and says "damn it!" Oh god. "damn it." oh crap. I slap my hand over my mouth. "Bad mommy" Lily giggles and runs off. What a terrible example I am when I am frustrated.

It is 3:30 and I finally got the babies down for a nap. I have so many things to do I don't know where to start. Laundry. Watch one of my netflix? The dishes I didn't get to last night because the dishwasher didn't run that morning like I thought it did. Or maybe I can have a nice cup of tea and write a blog post. Yeah, that sounds good.