I'm moving this week!

Wont have internet for two weeks.

See you next year.

I was named after my dad's mom. Valeta. I haven't really spoken to her since I was 15. Well this year I sent her a Christmas card. I thought she might want to see pictures of her great grandchildren.

She actually sent me one back. I am shocked and amazed. She hasn't sent me anything in almost 10 years. She also sent money to buy the kids a gift. I didn't actually get the card until last night because I am lazy and do not check my mail everyday. I plan on calling her today to thank her.

What a wonderful Christmas this turned out to be after all.

Happy Christmas Internet!

While on the phone:

"Daddy, if you say mean things to mommy ever again I'm gonna punch you in the face."

That is true love right there.

Haha.

So I have post partum depression.

It feels weird admiting it.

I have started zoloft and will start therapy soon.

I have to make myself better for my children.

Update:

I got the nerve to call my midwife. I am going in tomorrow to talk to her.

Thanks to the internet for helping me.

I think I need help.

I should be happy. I should be carefree and doing things I love.

Instead I am sitting on the bathroom floor crying over everything whenever the baby naps.

We are moving into a big awesome house. My husband loves me and treats me better then anyone I have ever known.

But for some reason I just don't feel happy. I feel like something is wrong with me.


I know I should reach out for help. But just now when I called to make an appointment with my doctor I didn't want to say "I need to see the doctor because I am crazy." to the receptionist. I am not sure where to begin.

We move in 16 days. Ahhhh!

I'm so excited, yet so not ready. I haven't packed much. I have lots of cleaning to do! Its so exciting to be going from a tiny two bedroom apartment to a big two story house.

Today we bought a new dining table and chairs. Now we need a high chair.

Yay for life.

Eric will be gone for a month. Another Christmas without my sweetie boy.

I wonder if it gets any easier for your kids to be away from you. The older they get, the farther they get. I don't want them to grow up. I want them to be little and hug me every day.

Here I am feeling lonely and depressed again.

I wanted to get out of the house today but it was rainy and one of the only friends I have out here bailed on the plans we had. Now its already 5 and while everyone else is having dinner with their husbands I have to wait around until 8 or 9 to see mine.

I guess I should be happy. Happy my husband isn't out of town or dead. But its hard being alone all day.

Maybe I am too needy of a friend and that is why I have almost none.

Every time I try to play with my 4 year old he is a grumpy butt today. The baby is having her nap. Its times like this when I miss Arizona. If nothing I could go see my Grandma, just to get out of the house.

Some days it feels like I have no one in the world.

If I could spend one more day with someone who had died it would be my cousin, Justin. Justin died when we were 17. We were a month and a half apart. His birthday was June 29, mine August 6th. The one time I got to be older then him, I didn't want to be. My 18th birthday was one of the saddest ones I ever had.

Justin was like a brother to me. When none of the older cousins would play with me he would. Sure, he gave me all the matchbox cars that the wheels were falling off of. Still, I was involved. After his family moved from Arizona to Oklahoma I called him every chance I could. I would call on his birthday. He would never remember when mine was. He used to say, "You know me better then I do." The last time I called him, he wasn't home. He was at his girlfriend's house. I can't remember the last thing I said to him. The Christmas we were 15 was the last time I saw him alive.

I gave my son his middle name.

I miss him so much.

I guess I should rename my blog "funny things my son says."

Today while I was hiding from my hubby after an argument. "She just went to the mall without us. You can fight with her when she gets back."


Having two kids in a tiny apartment has become extremely stressful.

While at the dentist this morning Eric said:

"This is my Step-Daddy. He's not my daddy but I love him."


My son is too cute, it takes laughing gas to reveal his true feelings.