I just watched "The business of being born." I cried through most of it.
On Valentine's day a friend on mine had her third baby. In her house. In a birthing pool. I am like so jealous.
Lately in therapy we have talked about my children's births. Sometimes I feel like I was cheated out of a home birth. Like I had no choice. And once you let one little intervention happen in the hospital during labor, its all down hill from there. They gave me pitocin because my contractions weren't "strong enough." Then my contractions hurt like a motherfucker so I gave in and got the epidural. Then I was stuck. And my back really really hurt.
I am starting to wonder if my PPD was partially caused by Lily's birth. They take the baby away and do this and that. I was stuck in the same position for hours. A baby is supposed to be born and then in it's mother's arms. My children didn't get that. They took them, cleaned them off did tests and eye drops. I wonder if the reason I didn't feel that explosion of love and closeness to my daughter, was because the cord was wrapped around her neck and they took her away and then had her under a heater for so long.
I look at the pictures of my Lily as a newborn and wish I could go back to then. So I could stop being so wrapped up in my own feelings and just hold my precious newborn one more time. She is almost 7 months old now and she brings a light to my life I would never want to be without. I hate to think I missed out on loving her so much the first few months because I was sad.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Just in case anyone who reads this was curious. My mission not to spend any money failed. But it got me thinking. And that is a good thing.
Whenever I am going to purchase something, I think, "Do I need this?"
Also I have discovered that I buy so much less when I do that. Now I still have a long way to go in my opinion, to get to where I want to be. Not consuming, not wasting. But at least I have myself thinking about the things that I am doing and buying.
Whenever I am going to purchase something, I think, "Do I need this?"
Also I have discovered that I buy so much less when I do that. Now I still have a long way to go in my opinion, to get to where I want to be. Not consuming, not wasting. But at least I have myself thinking about the things that I am doing and buying.
Valeta's lots of pasta chicken soup
Ingredients:
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts sprinkled with seasoned salt and fully baked (45 min @ 350)
1 32 oz box of chicken broth
Whatever kind of pasta you have left over (I had half a 17 oz package of casarecce)
half a package of frozen cheese tortellini
frozen mixed veggies (I had carrots and squash)
1 onion
3 cloves garlic
dried chives
dried basil
Directions:
Cut up the chicken and toss it in the crock pot. Turn the crock pot on high. Cut up the onion and peel the garlic, toss those in. Pour all the chicken broth in. Fill the box halfway with water and pour that in too. Add the frozen veggies. Sprinkle chives and basil and stir. Cook for an hour. Then add the pasta. Cook for 2 hours. Done!
Yum!
Ingredients:
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts sprinkled with seasoned salt and fully baked (45 min @ 350)
1 32 oz box of chicken broth
Whatever kind of pasta you have left over (I had half a 17 oz package of casarecce)
half a package of frozen cheese tortellini
frozen mixed veggies (I had carrots and squash)
1 onion
3 cloves garlic
dried chives
dried basil
Directions:
Cut up the chicken and toss it in the crock pot. Turn the crock pot on high. Cut up the onion and peel the garlic, toss those in. Pour all the chicken broth in. Fill the box halfway with water and pour that in too. Add the frozen veggies. Sprinkle chives and basil and stir. Cook for an hour. Then add the pasta. Cook for 2 hours. Done!
Yum!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
So there is this diaper days thing at the movies not too far from where I live. Its only $7 for me and this kids are free. Its all parents so its okay if your kids are, well, kids. Supposedly they keep the sound low and the lights on. For some crazy reason I thought it was a good idea to go tonight.
I had forgotten it was today and didn't drive my husband to work this morning, so that meant I had to take the bus to go when I realized it was today. I really wanted to get out of the house and see this movie so I decided to go. I used to take the bus in Phoenix all the time when Eric was a baby, so I figured it wouldn't be much trouble. And it wasn't. Eric was really good and did everything I said. But we had to leave really really early in order to get to the movies in time. 3 hours before the movie started we were on our way.
So by the time we got to the theater and it was time for the movie to start he had been all the good he could for the day. All the other kids were running up and down the aisles and screaming. Eric is used to us making him sit down and behave when we go to the theater. He sat there bouncing for a moment and eyed the other kids and got a big smile on his face and then he asked "Can I go play with them?"
I couldn't say no. He hardly gets the chance to socialize now that we have been thrown our of our playgroup. So they ran and smiled and played. Then the movie started. All the other kids went straight to their parents and sat down. Not Eric. He ran for most of the previews until I could get him to come sit down. I would have normally went and made him come back right away, but I was nursing Lily.
Then he started talking about Star Wars. Really loud. He took his shoes off. And kept moving seats when I wasn't looking. Then he said he had to poop. So I get up, haul all my crap into the bathroom and he doesn't have to go anymore. He really just wanted to walk by the snack bar and beg for popcorn. Which he did not get. Then Lily got fussy. She was fussy for the whole movie until she fell asleep. It was the first time I had taken her to the theater. I couldn't wait until the end so we could go home. Thankfully husband showed up with the car to pick us up and take us home.
Ugh. I am so tired.
It was an awesome movie. I want some sprites.
I had forgotten it was today and didn't drive my husband to work this morning, so that meant I had to take the bus to go when I realized it was today. I really wanted to get out of the house and see this movie so I decided to go. I used to take the bus in Phoenix all the time when Eric was a baby, so I figured it wouldn't be much trouble. And it wasn't. Eric was really good and did everything I said. But we had to leave really really early in order to get to the movies in time. 3 hours before the movie started we were on our way.
So by the time we got to the theater and it was time for the movie to start he had been all the good he could for the day. All the other kids were running up and down the aisles and screaming. Eric is used to us making him sit down and behave when we go to the theater. He sat there bouncing for a moment and eyed the other kids and got a big smile on his face and then he asked "Can I go play with them?"
I couldn't say no. He hardly gets the chance to socialize now that we have been thrown our of our playgroup. So they ran and smiled and played. Then the movie started. All the other kids went straight to their parents and sat down. Not Eric. He ran for most of the previews until I could get him to come sit down. I would have normally went and made him come back right away, but I was nursing Lily.
Then he started talking about Star Wars. Really loud. He took his shoes off. And kept moving seats when I wasn't looking. Then he said he had to poop. So I get up, haul all my crap into the bathroom and he doesn't have to go anymore. He really just wanted to walk by the snack bar and beg for popcorn. Which he did not get. Then Lily got fussy. She was fussy for the whole movie until she fell asleep. It was the first time I had taken her to the theater. I couldn't wait until the end so we could go home. Thankfully husband showed up with the car to pick us up and take us home.
Ugh. I am so tired.
It was an awesome movie. I want some sprites.
What is a girl to do when her husband is a workaholic?
No one believes me and he doesn't see what he is doing to our family. He thinks its perfectly okay to live for work. :(
No one believes me and he doesn't see what he is doing to our family. He thinks its perfectly okay to live for work. :(
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Valeta's whatever is laying around the house tater salad
Ingredients:
6-8 medium sized red taters
1 package frozen mixed veggies (I had a stir fry variety in the freezer so I used it, I love the baby corn on the cobs)
2 tbsp basil pesto (I get this big thing at Costo, yum)
half a cup of sun dried tomatoes in olive oil
mayo
1 onion
Directions:
Cut the taters in half then each half into eighths. In a large pot, boil taters. In a smaller pot boil frozen veggies. Chop the onion and put it into whatever bowl you want to serve/store the salad in. When the taters are boiled until the skins start coming off drain out water. Place taters in the serving bowl. Add some mayo. Add the pesto and tomatoes. Drain the veggies and add them. Mix it all up.
Yum!
Tastes even better the next day.
Ingredients:
6-8 medium sized red taters
1 package frozen mixed veggies (I had a stir fry variety in the freezer so I used it, I love the baby corn on the cobs)
2 tbsp basil pesto (I get this big thing at Costo, yum)
half a cup of sun dried tomatoes in olive oil
mayo
1 onion
Directions:
Cut the taters in half then each half into eighths. In a large pot, boil taters. In a smaller pot boil frozen veggies. Chop the onion and put it into whatever bowl you want to serve/store the salad in. When the taters are boiled until the skins start coming off drain out water. Place taters in the serving bowl. Add some mayo. Add the pesto and tomatoes. Drain the veggies and add them. Mix it all up.
Yum!
Tastes even better the next day.
Friday, February 22, 2008
I just watched Waitress.
I have to say I have never seen a movie that shows perfectly what it is like to hold your child for the first time before. At least for me anyway.
At first you are scared or maybe just a little unsure of yourself. Then they put this tiny perfect person in your arms and the rest of the world goes fuzzy. It is just you and your baby. Nothing else matters.
I am so tearing up right now. <3
I have to say I have never seen a movie that shows perfectly what it is like to hold your child for the first time before. At least for me anyway.
At first you are scared or maybe just a little unsure of yourself. Then they put this tiny perfect person in your arms and the rest of the world goes fuzzy. It is just you and your baby. Nothing else matters.
I am so tearing up right now. <3
Funny funniness:
From ORGAZMO:
Maxxx Orbison: What's your name, again?
Sancho: I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: Look, I get a lot of people auditioning all the time. What makes you think that you'd be good enough for porno?
Sancho: I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: Great... but what do you do?
Sancho: What do I do? I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: And...?
Sancho: And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: And...?
Sancho: Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I...
Maxxx Orbison: You... are Sancho!
Sancho: That's right.
Maxxx Orbison: Okay, you're hired.
Idiocracy:
rl's Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
Woman at Carl's Jr.: You didn't give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Carl's Jr. Computer: Would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?
Woman at Carl's Jr.: I said I didn't get any!
Carl's Jr. Computer: Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Woman at Carl's Jr.: What? NO!
[She hits the machine. An alarm goes off, and a sign appears on the computer saying "Carl's Jr. Frowns Upon Vandalism."]
Carl's Jr. Computer: I'm sorry you're having trouble. I'm sorry you're having trouble.
Woman at Carl's Jr.: My kids are starvin'!
Carl's Jr. Computer: [the woman kicks the computer, and it sprays a chloroform-like substance in her face, knocking her out] This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes that no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr...”Fuck You, I'm Eating."
[Joe approaches the computer]
Carl's Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!
From ORGAZMO:
Maxxx Orbison: What's your name, again?
Sancho: I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: Look, I get a lot of people auditioning all the time. What makes you think that you'd be good enough for porno?
Sancho: I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: Great... but what do you do?
Sancho: What do I do? I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: And...?
Sancho: And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: And...?
Sancho: Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I...
Maxxx Orbison: You... are Sancho!
Sancho: That's right.
Maxxx Orbison: Okay, you're hired.
Idiocracy:
rl's Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
Woman at Carl's Jr.: You didn't give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Carl's Jr. Computer: Would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?
Woman at Carl's Jr.: I said I didn't get any!
Carl's Jr. Computer: Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Woman at Carl's Jr.: What? NO!
[She hits the machine. An alarm goes off, and a sign appears on the computer saying "Carl's Jr. Frowns Upon Vandalism."]
Carl's Jr. Computer: I'm sorry you're having trouble. I'm sorry you're having trouble.
Woman at Carl's Jr.: My kids are starvin'!
Carl's Jr. Computer: [the woman kicks the computer, and it sprays a chloroform-like substance in her face, knocking her out] This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes that no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr...”Fuck You, I'm Eating."
[Joe approaches the computer]
Carl's Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Valeta's fabulous meatballs
Ingredients:
1.25 lb of ground turkey
couple links of Italian sausage
a slice of mozzarella ( about 2 oz)
1 medium white onion
a couple cloves of garlic
garlic salt (I get the California style kind that has parsley)
basil (Fresh or dried will do)
died chives
Edited to add: I meant dried chives, but I have had a glass of wine so there.
Directions:
In a large bowl mix the meat together. I always take the links and squeeze the meat out and throw away the outside stuff. Chop the onion and garlic and add to bowl. Grate the cheese really small and add it. Add a handful of basil, 2 tbsp of garlic salt and a few sprinkles of chives. Mix all up really good with your hands. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roll into meatballs (whatever size you want). For large meatballs cook about 30 - 40 minutes. Less for smaller ones.
Yum!
Ingredients:
1.25 lb of ground turkey
couple links of Italian sausage
a slice of mozzarella ( about 2 oz)
1 medium white onion
a couple cloves of garlic
garlic salt (I get the California style kind that has parsley)
basil (Fresh or dried will do)
died chives
Edited to add: I meant dried chives, but I have had a glass of wine so there.
Directions:
In a large bowl mix the meat together. I always take the links and squeeze the meat out and throw away the outside stuff. Chop the onion and garlic and add to bowl. Grate the cheese really small and add it. Add a handful of basil, 2 tbsp of garlic salt and a few sprinkles of chives. Mix all up really good with your hands. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Roll into meatballs (whatever size you want). For large meatballs cook about 30 - 40 minutes. Less for smaller ones.
Yum!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I am so freaking stressed out. DO all 4 year old fight EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN THING? UGH!
He wouldn't brush his teeth or put on pajamas or listen to a story. I asked him like 6979476376563 times to do this or that and all I got was an argument. UGH.
Kevin came home from work yet again just to go straight to his damn computer. I am so sick of being a single parent. I thought I got married to resolve that problem. APPARENTLY NOT.
I hate feeling so alone in this awful awful world.
He wouldn't brush his teeth or put on pajamas or listen to a story. I asked him like 6979476376563 times to do this or that and all I got was an argument. UGH.
Kevin came home from work yet again just to go straight to his damn computer. I am so sick of being a single parent. I thought I got married to resolve that problem. APPARENTLY NOT.
I hate feeling so alone in this awful awful world.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Valeta's Rainy Day Easy Soup
ingredients:
1 package ramen noodles (any flavor)
1 can diced tomatoes
directions:
In medium sauce pan pour can of tomatoes. Fill can with water and pour that in too. Cook over high heat. Add in ramen spices. Add noodles when boiling. When boiling again cook for 3 minutes. Done!
Yum! Good to share with a picky 4 year old. :D
ingredients:
1 package ramen noodles (any flavor)
1 can diced tomatoes
directions:
In medium sauce pan pour can of tomatoes. Fill can with water and pour that in too. Cook over high heat. Add in ramen spices. Add noodles when boiling. When boiling again cook for 3 minutes. Done!
Yum! Good to share with a picky 4 year old. :D
So far so good. The only thing I have spent money on is fix-a-flat. The tire was flat, husband asked me to walk to the store and buy it. So I did. I tried not to look at anything at the store, because looking leads to wanting, wanting leads to buying crap I do not need. But the easter stuff was out. It will be Lily's first easter! Cute!
But I didn't get anything, yay me.
But I didn't get anything, yay me.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Kevin and I just came up with an awesome idea for a move.
It will be called "Recycled Love." This woman gets pregnant and her husband dies and she wants the baby to have a dad so she rebuilds the dad like Frankenstein's monster. But he is missing pieces so she has to dig up dead bodies. She just happens to dig up a guy who is a different ethnicity of her husband so the frankenstein dad has two different color skin sewed all over his body. And she has the baby and it will be like on fido where the zombie strokes the new baby. <3
Yes, we are dorks.
It will be called "Recycled Love." This woman gets pregnant and her husband dies and she wants the baby to have a dad so she rebuilds the dad like Frankenstein's monster. But he is missing pieces so she has to dig up dead bodies. She just happens to dig up a guy who is a different ethnicity of her husband so the frankenstein dad has two different color skin sewed all over his body. And she has the baby and it will be like on fido where the zombie strokes the new baby. <3
Yes, we are dorks.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
When the CPS guy came to my house he asked Kevin if he could speak to me alone, Kevin said "Of course" and took the kids upstairs. Then the guy proceeded to ask me things like "Does Dave ever hit you?", "Does Dave allow you to do the things you want with the children?" I told him like 4 times my husband's name is Kevin but he kept reffering to him as Dave. I couldn't help but laugh throughout the whole conversation. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. And who the hell is Dave? I don't even know anyone named Dave. I couldn't believe the crap he was asking me. I mean CPS never came to my house when I was a kid and my mom did drugs, fucked her brother-in-laws, beat me with a leather belt and called me a bitch all the time. Kevin wouldn't hit me, thats just silly. Kevin has probably never hit anyone besides his little brother when they were young. I could not ask for a better husband. But no one is perfect.
The guy made it sound like whoever called the governments on me told one heck of a story. Kevin beats me, beats the kids, wont let me do anything. Anyone who knows us, knows that I totally wear the pants in our relationship. I mean, everything in a marriage is a compromise but if I really want something, I get it. I am a spoiled brat. But I don't always get what I want. Whenever women gather together eventually they end up ranting about their husbands. I did just like all the other women in my mom's club. I think venting is normal. My best friend complains every week to me about her husband, but I know they are perfect for each other and are in a happy marriage. Well the person who called CPS on me from my old mom's club must have taken everything I ever said about Kevin to heart. Seriously, I don't know what I exactly said about him to these stupid fucking women but the CPS guy thought Kevin was the worst husband ever and acted kind of afraid of him. My husband weighs like 135 lbs, I think I (a 4'11 80lb freak) can take him. Kevin had to laugh about the whole situation too. I mean seriously, people are stupid or just crazy.
The guy made it sound like whoever called the governments on me told one heck of a story. Kevin beats me, beats the kids, wont let me do anything. Anyone who knows us, knows that I totally wear the pants in our relationship. I mean, everything in a marriage is a compromise but if I really want something, I get it. I am a spoiled brat. But I don't always get what I want. Whenever women gather together eventually they end up ranting about their husbands. I did just like all the other women in my mom's club. I think venting is normal. My best friend complains every week to me about her husband, but I know they are perfect for each other and are in a happy marriage. Well the person who called CPS on me from my old mom's club must have taken everything I ever said about Kevin to heart. Seriously, I don't know what I exactly said about him to these stupid fucking women but the CPS guy thought Kevin was the worst husband ever and acted kind of afraid of him. My husband weighs like 135 lbs, I think I (a 4'11 80lb freak) can take him. Kevin had to laugh about the whole situation too. I mean seriously, people are stupid or just crazy.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
CPS came to the house yesterday.
I feel like a fish must feel after it has been cut open and all the guts ripped out.
They knew everything I ever told anyone in my mom's club. I knew these women for two years. Women talk. They knew a lot. I thought they were my friends.
I never knew people could be so cruel. I knew a lot of cruelty growing up. But I thought it was just my family or the area I grew up in. No, the whole human race is capable of being cruel.
I feel like a fish must feel after it has been cut open and all the guts ripped out.
They knew everything I ever told anyone in my mom's club. I knew these women for two years. Women talk. They knew a lot. I thought they were my friends.
I never knew people could be so cruel. I knew a lot of cruelty growing up. But I thought it was just my family or the area I grew up in. No, the whole human race is capable of being cruel.
Friday, February 01, 2008
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