Just wanted to share this article about a man in Michigan whose kid was taken away from him because of a silly mix up. I feel for that kid. And I know what its like.

I am really disappointed by CPS. I don't know what can be done to "fix" them but something obviously needs to be. Its really sad to read about there failings and screw ups.

I love books. I read everyday. I read in the bathtub, at dinner time, while the husband is watching T.V. or movies. I read anything and everything that sparks my interest. Yay books!

But buying books is expensive. And the library sucks when you have two kids. I go there at least once a week but I hardly ever get to browse because kids are loud and people like the library to be a quiet place. I have joined a couple of websites in order to get books for way less. Bookmooch and booksfree. Bookmooch I just found and haven't received any books from yet. You list books you have that you'd like to give away and you can get books other people have and want to give away. So far I have given a lot and received none so we'll see how that goes. Booksfree (isn't free) is like netflix but for books. It takes a few weeks to get the books while my netflix only takes a few days. I think its worth it because I can pick out which books I am getting here at home on my computer rather then hassling with the library.

I hope that my kids will enjoy reading. They both enjoy getting read to. Eric reads the books on his leap pad learning system. But I really hope that seeing me read all the time will make them want to read more.

Taken out of context:

"Kevin, lots of people are ugly, just deal with it."

"What about Brad Pitt?"

"Oh yeah, I wanna marry Brad Pitt."

"Me too."

"yum"

I just want to rave about all the baby leg warmers Lily is always wearing. My favorite place to buy them is here. But several sellers on etsy sell them. They have boy and girl styles and they are perfect for wearing with almost anything. I put them under pants when it is really cold, or under dresses. Sometimes Lily will wear the leg warmers with just a onesie.

You can also buy some here.

I didn't because I am cheap and they cost way less on etsy. The ones Lily have work great, but wear out a little after washing them a lot. I have never used the babylegs brand so I have no idea if they wear out as fast. Its possible they do not, and if so they may be worth the extra cost. I just bought a lot of different ones off etsy and washed them less so they would last longer.

My care bears. All except two purchases at thrift stores. The big green one and blue one I bought Eric when he was a baby. Now that I have a girl I have started to buy all of them. I love them. Someday I will have one of every color!

I posted this for Andrea. :D

According to this test I am a ENFP type.

Then is describes me:

The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and expressive when relating with others. For Champions, nothing occurs which does not have some deep ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. Champions are inclined to go everywhere and look into everything that has to do with the advance of good and the retreat of evil in the world. They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives. And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.

Champions consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life, although they can never quite shake the feeling that a part of themselves is split off, uninvolved in the experience. Thus, while they strive for emotional congruency, they often see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which Champions possess in a wide range and variety. In the same vein, Champions strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, Champions fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.

I think it is pretty accurate.

This past weekend was pretty relaxing. Though it was like we were lost. Without Eric, it is just us two adults and a baby. We drove around for an hour on Saturday not really being able to decide what to do. Lily is so calm and laid back most of the time. If we are out of the house she is mostly content to just watch other people walk by. She hates being cooped up in the house.

On Sunday I went to the flea market with some friends and she just sat in her stroller watching people for the whole two hours we were there. Things are so different with Eric being gone. Going to the flea market with Eric is like a huge ordeal. With him not here I am in two places at once. Relieved I can go almost anywhere without being stressed out, but also missing my rough, wild and beautiful boy.

Also, I am in love with the flea market! Fabric! Lots of fabric! I got Lily and inflatable globe for $2. She loves it! I also found some socks that actually stay on her feet, for $1. I can't count how many baby socks I don't have the matching sock to because we lost the other one while we were out and about.

Can I just say, I love having a daughter? Boys are great, but I am so so happy I get to have a girl too!

She is only 8 months old but I already notice so many differences. When she grabs things she is gentle and dainty. Eric would yank hard and rough on everything. When she crawls, she only does it with purpose. She will just sit there until there is a toy or something that catches her interest then she'll crawl to it.

She seems to be obsessed with my purse. So I gave her one of my old ones and filled it with toys. Eric would have yanked everything out of there right away, as a baby. She takes things out one at a time and looks them over, puts them in her mouth before going on to the next thing.

She sounds like a girl. Her little girly baby cry makes me smile. I know thats silly, it is a cry! But I love it!

She is starting to grow hair and the weather is getting warmer. So I can put pink dresses on her and people will (hopefully) stop telling me what a cute son I have.

My favorite part of this song is:

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

Its so true. It was true in 1964 and its true in 2008.

Who knew taking care of just one baby was so easy? Eric was a baby years ago. I hardly remember. But since its just me and Lily, my house is clean, dishes are clean, my dirty tv shows are watched. I miss Eric like crazy but man, this is a nice break!

Eric's birthday party was fun. Our friends came and laughed and ate. Yay!

My one complaint is the people who RSVP'd yes and then didn't bother emailing me before blowing off my party. Is it too hard to just say you are not going to come if you are not? One person even told me she was coming late or she was leaving late, I can't remember. But she never said she wasn't coming and now she has picture of her and her daughter at aquarium on myspace. Hello, rude much?

I bought food for about 20 people and only around 10 showed up. So now I have all this food that will be going to waste. Oh well, leftovers!

Eric will be visiting his dad for 3 months. Oh I will miss him so.

Today my son is five. He has brought such love into my life. With it he has also brought stress. Lots and lots of stress. I wouldn't change a thing.

But there is some things I want to say about his birth. I had a completely normal pregnancy. And like all women in our society are told to do, I delivered him in a hospital. I took a birth class at the hospital before he was born.

They tell you, you don't have to get an epidural. They tell you that you can walk around to ease the pain.

When I got in and I got on all those monitors for the baby, they made it impossible to walk around or have any way of dealing with the pain.

Then they have a time limit. A time limit on something that should just come naturally. My labor wasn't progressing fast enough for them. So they gave me pitocin. Something that causes contractions to become A LOT stronger and hurt A LOT more. The only way to deal with the pain was to get an epidural. Here is a message board full nurses talking about how "routine" it is to use pitocin.

Our bodies were meant to push out babies. Surely it should not be "routine" to have to use pitocin? Why do they have to have a time limit on labor? Laying in a hospital bed for the is convenient for the doctor, it actually puts your body in a position where it is harder to get the baby out. Giving birth is a lot like pooping, gross but true. Most women poop while pushing the baby out. Would you ever want to lay down on your back and poop? No, it would be uncomfortable.

So, if you are pregnant my advice is to educate yourself. Do you really want medical intervention? All hospitals do them. I had my second baby in a mother friendly hospital with a midwife and I still ended up getting unnecessary intervention.

Okay end rant. Yay for my first baby being five!

Five years ago today. I had a baby shower. I was 18 years old and 38 weeks pregnant. My due date was April 21. I knew I was having a boy. I knew I would name him Eric David.

That night I went to bed and started having contractions.

Here is his birth story, as I wrote it last year. The details get less and less clear every year. My first baby is five years old tomorrow.

see more crazy cat pics

Eric leaves on Sunday. I shall hug him tight and hold him close until then.

Something a commenter said on my last post made me think about something. They said, "If you feel you are so immature, why did you have children? Surely you are sensible enough to realize that parenting is not just a side effect of sexual activity but rather an investment into human kind."

This person does not know me so they do not know that my son was conceived while I was on birth control, actively trying not to get pregnant but at the age of 17, I did.

First of all, what the fuck kind of question is that? Why did I have children? Am I not human? Do not all humans want to have children?

Sure, I should have done more research on the depo shot. Before going on it instead of the pill. Instead of every 12 weeks, planned parenthood instructed me to get the shot every 3 months. I did and I got pregnant. What is done is done, I cannot change the past.

So this commenter must be perfect. Must never let something dumb ever come out of their lips. Must be a robot who has never made a mistake ever. Well, to make mistakes is human and I would rather make mistakes then be a numb mindless robot. Obviously it is their opinion that a person such as me should not be allowed to have children.

Bearing children is a natural part of life. Most women do it. Whether they are smart or dumb, small or large they have children. Its what we do. So for someone to say "Why did you have children?" to me. Well, that doesn't sound very intelligent.

I am blessed with two healthy children and I am grateful every day. If this commenter knew me, they would know that.

This past year has been a big one for me. A lot has happened and I've learned so much. I think that for most people, that is what your twenties is all about. Really, all I want to do is live a simple authentic life. Then other people come in and complicate things. I am trying my best.

I think too many parents want to shelter the world from what it really is. Life isn't easy. Kids see bad things, kids hear bad things. Well there are bad things in life. You can't hide your kids away from life. Today I was on the phone with someone while I was explaining to Eric what a "retard" is. A term I should not use. But hello, I am only 23, sometimes really dumb things come out of my mouth. At least I acknowledge that try to correct myself. The person on the phone said, "He doesn't need to know what it is, just tell him it's a bad word." Why the hell shouldn't he know what it means?

I told Eric what it meant and why we shouldn't say it. I do not tell him not to do something and not give him a reason.

I saw Jamie Lee Curtis on Oprah today (I love my DVR) and every word she said made me have one of Oprah's "ah ha!" moments. I think that is what brought on this rant, haha.

I think people need to be who they are. We are all self conscious. No one is perfect. But everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way.

Things Ive learned:

the grass really is always greener on the other side, just enjoy life as it comes at you.

friends don't have to agree on everything and they can still be friends.

don't complain to just anyone, only the best of friends can understand that sometimes you just need to vent.

you can eat healthy and still have food taste good.

my grandma may be uneducated, but she is really smart.

education has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. (Really just goes with the grandma thing.)

I have become my mother, in some ways. (yuck)

there is no "right" way in parenting.

being a parent is hard.

marriage is harder.

My family are a bunch of crazy redneck psychos. I love them anyway.

I made a bag! It didn't turn out as great as I had hoped. The pattern didn't really make sense to me so I kind of made a lot up as I went along. But Look! A bag! Made by Valeta! Yay!

I am going to give it to my mom for mother's day since she loves skulls and stuff. Yay again for homemade gifts!

I made something! Again!

A red pillowcase for a small pillow. I am just learning to sew. The only thing I had ever done with a sewing machine before was help my grandma make quilts.

Next I am gonna try to make a tote bag. Yay!

On Monday we went for a walk. My son brought a care bear in his little doll stroller and said he was his son. We walked all the way to the library with our two strollers. (The library was closed, stupid holiday I didn't know about.) He was silly and I wanted to grab him and squeeze him and hold him in my arms forever.

In a few short days he will be 5 years old. In a few short months he will be going to kindergarten. Soon he won't want to take walks with me. He wont want to play with a doll stroller that is pink. He wont look up at me with his big beautiful blue eyes and their thick eyelashes and say,"Mom, you're beautiful."

*I am so crying right now*

I heart Prince. He kicks ass.

Let's go crazy

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else
The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night

So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
U know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You're on your own

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor

If u don't like the world you're living in
Take a look around u
At least u got friends

U see I called my old lady
4 a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
(Sex, sex) is all I heard

Are we gonna let de-elevator
Bring us down
Oh, no Let's Go!

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look 4 the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

We're all excited
But we don't know why
Maybe it's cuz
We're all gonna die

And when we do (When we do)
What's it all 4 (What's it all 4)
U better live now
Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no let's go!

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Look 4 the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

C'mon baby
Let's get nuts
Yeah
Crazy

Let's go crazy

Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no let's go!
Go crazy

I said let's go crazy (Go crazy)
Let's go, let's go
Go
Let's go

Dr. Everything'll be alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and dafodills will kill
Hang tough children

He's coming
He's coming
Coming

Take me away!

We are sitting here as we do every morning. I am drinking coffee and reading blogs, Lily is on the floor surrounded by toys trying to crawl.

Eric is playing Kirby 64 on the wii and all of sudden he says "How come they say bad words in the Simpsons?"

"Because its a grown-up show and grown-ups say bad words sometimes."

"You let me watch it because you are a bad parent just like my dad."

Gee thanks son.

I do not let him watch the Simpsons like his dad does.