I had a lovely lazy Sunday, which makes for a stressful Monday. Still spending time cuddling with husband was worth it. It was weird to see him again after two weeks. It was like he had gotten a million times cuter while he was gone. Sure, he is no Brad Pitt. But he is hawt to me. ;D

Lily seems to remember him. Or at least she warmed up to him quickly.  Sunday morning she ran right to him and said "dadadada baba." Baba = bottle of milk. 

And last night we were laying on the couch and he felt the baby move for the first time. He said, "hello there my son." Awwww. We are so cute, it makes me want to throw up. 

Today my cousin emailed me some old photos of our other cousin Justin. I see them and I am automatically in tears missing Justin as if he had just died yesterday. He has been dead for 6 years. He was shot when we were both 17. My first son has his middle name in memory of him. 

I wish things could be different. My mom and his mom used to be best friends. We all did things together every year. Now our moms hate each other. When my mom was here, she talked a lot about how much she hates her sister. How awful, to hate your own sister. I could never hate my only brother. He may make bad decisions and be wasting his life, but I love him. 

I wonder if Justin and I would still be close, if he was still alive. I wonder if he would have married the girl he was all through high school and joined the Marines like he wanted. Or would he have gone downhill like almost every one else in my family. I guess thats all you can do, when someone dies. You can only wonder. 

I am super excited to be pregnant with another boy. I would have been thrilled either way but now Lily will be my only princess with two brothers. 

I had a few names picked out but now that I KNOW I am having a boy, my last baby, all those names just don't seem good enough. The one name Kevin and I agree on is also my BIL's dog's name. I don't want my son to have the same name as a dog. So I kinda feel like I am back to square one on the naming the baby thing. Anyway, I will change my mind a million times just like I did with Lily. Then she was born and I just knew, she was my Lily.  And new baby will be something great/awesome/cute too. 

Kevin comes home tomorrow and I can't wait. It has been weird for him to be gone so long. 

I just got home from taking my mom to the airport. A day early.

I was going to write a big long post about how disappointed and used I feel. This visit was a disaster.  About how sad my son is because of her. I just can't think about it anymore. I can't cry over my stupid mother anymore. I am an adult and so is she. If she would rather go love her brother-in-law/boyfriend and drugs then me and my kids then she can fuck off. 

All I know is that was her last chance. I can't let her hurt me anymore. Not only is she hurting me when she does this, she hurts my kids. My kids are the most important thing in my life. 

Sometimes I just want so bad to have family in my life, I try to accept mine as they are. But when your family are all rotten people you can't just do that. I'll just have to grow up and realize I have no one but myself and my husband. 

So I have to go deal with a teething girl and a whiny grandma missin' boy. 

I knew it. I am having a boy. :D

MMmmmm. Mommy milk. I'm all for better treatment of animals. But PETA is run by crazy people.

I want this. 

Because I get high on baby hugs too.

I am counting down until my ultrasound. Super excited to maybe find out what baby number 3 will be.

I didn't watch the emmy's. In high school I loved award shows and stuff like that but now I am just over it. Its like "here have an award for making lots of money and being attractive or really funny." Not that actors aren't talented and all that, just not my thing anymore. (Says the girl who used to tape record TRL every day in high school. Who would dress up on oscar night. lol) And probably because I watch most TV shows a couple years after they come out. I just caught up with Grey's Anatomy (my current favorite show) after I had Lily because DVDs are easy to watch during 4 am feedings. 

Remind me never to complain that husband doesn't help around the house ever again. I am drowning in fits and slobber without him. 

Today will be the longest husband and I have been away from each other since July 2005. Mom insists time apart is good for us. And it must be because I miss him a lot. He better miss me. Lily can't tell me if she misses him or not but Eric has been asking me everyday if it is the day to go get Kevin from the airport. 

They just showed a hot dog on yo gabba gabba and now I really really want one. Mmmmm hot dogs. 

How do other people not kill their husbands when they get back from traveling? Just kidding. But I am like super stressed and when I talk to husband he is like , "Uhh ..... hi. I'm boring. " I'm like you are in fucking Switzerland dood, tell me a weird european story or at least have cyber sex with me, geeze. He is "above" phone and cyber sexing, in case you wondered. You know you did. ;D

Maybe husband is just really boring. 

And on top of all that I just watched my DVRed episode of Oprah about "The truth about cheating." Now I am convinced I am the world's worst wife in the whole world. I never appreciate the husband enough and he is going to throw me out the window and do it with some super hot blonde google chick. They exist. I have seen them. Every time I go to google there are groups of super hot women. It makes me feel extremely boring. Woo hoo a boring SAHM who does nothing but make babies and expired brownies. Mmm, brownies. 

Today my mom comes to visit for 8 days. I didn't have a very good childhood. I don't agree with my mom's lifestyle or decisions regarding her own life. But despite that I love her. She is my mommy. When I was little and in pain she made it all better. Now she is my best friend. When I need someone to talk to, she is usually there. When Eric was a baby, I realized how hard being a parent must have been for her. I forgave her because if I do not, I wouldn't get to have her in my life at all. 

Its kind of a love/hate thing we have going. I hate that she goes off and does drugs. But she never does them when she comes out here to visit. We pretend like everything is okay so that, just for a visit, she can be a real grandma. She is my son's favorite person. I love watching them spend time together. When she is around, I am a nobody. He loves her. I am kind of sad that, because of the distance, she wont have the same type of bond with my daughter. She was there when Eric was born. Came to visit him 3 times a week until we moved out here. She has only seen Lily a handful of times in her first year of life. I don't know if she will be able to come out when we have new baby. 

And so for eight days, I will look past my mother's flaws. Because I love her and she is the only grandmother my kids will ever have. And we will have a great time. 

Darcie taggged me. And since I assume if you are reading my blog, you must care about this crap. 

1. Where were you 10 years ago?
- I was 14. I went to live with my Aunt in Oklahoma. To get away from my mom and brother and their drugs. Until I got in a fight with my cousin's girlfriend. She kicked my ass and I got suspended. I called my mom the next day to buy me a bus ticket home. I would never let my 14 year old take the bus for 2 days alone, but my mom trusted me. I was obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio. And then Titanic came out and I was pissed everyone else loved him too. He was 10 years older then me and we were going to be like Elvis and Priscilla Presley and he was going to save me from my mom and marry me. Geeze, I was a dork. I was as tall as I will ever be. 4'11. At 14 it didn't really matter, even though I was shorter then everyone I assumed I would grow before I turned 18. I was wrong. 

2. What is on today's To Do List?
- Take Lily to the doctor.

- clean

3. What would you do if you were a billionaire?
- Buy a house. 

4. Name 5 places you have lived:
- Arizona
- Oklahoma
- Ohio
- Sunnyvale, CA
- Milpitas, CA

5. Name 3 of your bad habits:
- biting nails. yuck.
- caffiene
- I complain too much

6. What are your favorite snacks?
- hershey bars, baked lays, chocolate hagen daz, croissants, pears

7. Who will you tag for this?

I tag Jen and Andrea. =P

Finally got to really talk with the husband today. He is going to come home with super buff legs from walking all over Zurich. ;D Tonight was a rough night getting the kids to bed. They are just so used to Husband reading stories. (He is better at it then me.) I still got them to bed on time. Yay me. Oh yeah, I made asparagus ravioli for dinner. 

I am 18 weeks preggers today. The baby is supposedly the size of a small can of soup now. Or a baked potato. MMm baked taters.

Its almost NaNoWriMo month. I am determined to actually finish it this year. I always start off with what I think is a great idea and a good attitude. But after a few weeks my idea and plot suck and I think I suck and I give up. Not this time! I am going to write everyday Eric is at school while Lily is napping. Even if I do suck, I want to finish. I have never said I was a good writer.  Just that I am a writer, lol. 

I was feeling sorry for myself so I made breakfast for dinner tonight. Husband doesn't like breakfast food so we never do this. Eric loved it. Scrambled eggs? For dinner? No way!

I was stressed all day worrying about Husband. I guess he is okay though. I tried to take the kids to the library but Lily just wasn't having it. And she is normally the better behaved one on outings. She yelled and screamed until we left. I was embarrassed.

Kids are in bed now and I instantly feel relaxed. Just wish I could talk to husbandface. Its 5 am in Zurich so I probably wont talk to him anytime soon. The weather seems horrid in Zurich too. Haha, that's what he gets for leaving me. Just kidding. I love him a million and I miss his face.

I've already purchased his birthday presents. Just some books I know he'll love. I wanted to get him a bike but we decided to wait on that until after we buy a house. It makes me fell guilty he got me an expensive birthday present. But I think he got the iPhone more for the kids then for me. So I wont get lost with them in the car anymore.

Well I'm going to go eat chocolate and watch TV while I can. :D

Yesterday was really boring. Probably because I knew it was Sunday and I am usually not all alone with the kids on Sundays. Our day started extra early but too early for everyone else. No one in my playgroup wanted to join us at the park at 10 A.M. So after that we came home and I cleaned all day to keep myself busy. At least I start the week with a clean house. 

A couple of my friends finally wanted to do something in the evening but I had already started cooking dinner. I made chicken Alfredo penne with steamed green beans and broccoli. It was yum. 

I cried only once. When Lily was napping and Eric was watching TV I was reading and I just burst into tears. But I have cried over commercials since I got pregnant again. Super emotional pregnant lady here.

I felt the baby move a lot last night. He was like kick-a-kick-kick. Hey mom, I'm in here! 

I am hoping Husband is in a nice warm hotel room sleeping because I haven't heard from him since he said he was lost. 

Last night husband made shrimp and corn in basil and butter. Not a well rounded meal but I was bummed because he was leaving.

I just got home from taking him to the airport. He almost missed his flight. Almost. 

*sigh*

My blog has been kinda "blah" lately. Whatever. I used to keep three blogs updated and now I just don't have much to say on one. Mostly lately it is because I don't want to get political on my blog. And the election is heavy on my mind. I don't need more hate mail or condescending comments when I believe what I believe and you are entitled to believe what you believe. 

On another note, Husband and I have decided to buy a house before new baby comes. Maybe even by the end of the year. We have been saving since 2005 for this but now we are really cracking down. We decided to quit eating out ( at all if possible) until we have a house of our own. This means I have to get my act together cooking meals every night. Honestly I used to only cook 3 nights a week. I don't really have a reason besides I like to eat out. I run out of ideas of what to make. I get bored easily. Bleh.

Now that I pack Eric's lunch everyday and make dinner every night I feel like I live in my kitchen. Yes, I am barefoot, pregnant and usually in the kitchen. 

Tonight I made lazy ass tostadas for dinner. With  fried corn tortillas, re fried beans, ground turkey, lettuce, tomato and shredded Monterrey jack cheese. Husband would say, "Where are the vegetables?" if he were home. One of the reasons I made dinner early. I was hungry and he had no say in what we ate. I know he just wants the best for us, he loves us. But he is a nag about food and it gets annoying sometimes. Hmm no Husband for two weeks. I wonder what I will make for dinner then. 

I have written this post three times. But I don't like saving and then Lily turns my computer off. Its her favorite thing to do. It annoys the hell out of me. 

SO yesterday I had lunch at the Google with the husband. I brought Lily and everyone always loves her. They stop and say hi, ask how old she is and what her name is. We ate yummy yummy food. I am so jealous husband gets to eat like that every day. I get boring sandwiches for lunch. At least husband can share with me sometimes. 

Then last night I went to my first PTA meeting. I was a little nervous at first. I had heard some horror stories about how terrible people can be in the PTA. But I felt perfectly comfortable and I was so disappointed there were only about 25 parents at the meeting. Out of 650 students. Our PTA pays for all the field trips the students go on. And we help pay for the librarian. Our school is the only one in the district with a librarian. I went to school in the ghetto and even my school had a librarian. Library day was my favorite day of the week when I was in school.  Schools are so underfunded, they need organizations like the PTA to help pay for things for our kids. You would think more parents would want to be involved in their child's education. 

And it was nice to get out of the house for a few hours without the kids. Even if it was just to talk about the school year. Husband put the kids to bed alone and I got to come home and relax. It was nice. I'm really gonna miss that guy when he is in Switzerland. He leaves on Sunday. :(

I am a terrible daughter. I forgot my mom's birthday. It was Sunday and I just happened to call her so Eric could tell her Happy Grandparent's Day. But mentioned nothing about her birthday when I finally talked to her. Then yesterday evening we were in the grocery store and husband was telling Eric when his dad's birthday was and I remembered. I feel awful. Hopefully I can make it up to her when she comes out here for a week while husband is gone. 

This morning I spent 40 minutes writing a long update blog but then Lily turned off my computer before I could save or publish it. So here is my half assed update. 

I got Spore on Sunday. I am addicted. And staying up way to late playing the last two nights. If only my kids would sleep in. I have a awesome star destroyerish spaceship. 

I finally watched the first episode of "True Blood" last night. Did anyone else notice how similar it is to twilight? Except instead of the super hot vampire guy hearing what everyone is thinking it is the human girl. And of course she can't hear him and she is like instantly in love with him.  I love vampire stories. It all started when I was 15 and I read Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice. Then I read the vampire Lestat and all the sequels. I heart Lestat.  I prefer Tom Cruise's version over Stuart Townsend's. Anyway, despite how much it seems like a rip off of Twilight I think I like "True Blood". Yay for a new show. Maybe I shouldn't be so picky about what TV I like. 

What is with everyone getting all huffy about Dooce's post the other day? It is her blog and she is entitled to write about the injustices in our country if she feels like it. I don't get nearly as much hate mail as she does but the hate mail I do get hurts. I suppose having one of the highest viewed blogs on the interweb has its down side. At least no one really reads mine. Heh. 

This is the best secret ever.

Eeeeee! Sunday! Yay!

Yesterday I was so sick. I couldn't keep anything down and I felt like my head would explode. I called my doctor and left a message but at usual no one called me back(until after I gave up and went to the ER and was about to be released.) I started vomiting blood. My whole body was shaking from getting no anything since the night before.

So eventually I went to the ER and was given and IV for fluids and zofran to stop the vomiting. I had a friend get Eric from school and took Lily with me.

I am feeling mostly better now. I just need to be able to handle real food to get my energy back up. Since I left the hospital I have mostly had soup.

Its probably because I feel like crap but my kids are driving me nuts.

Lily decided to wake up at 5 am this morning, kicking and screaming because of her mean teeth. I am exhausted.

All weekend Eric keeps asking to go to school. On Saturday he even tried to put on his uniform. He is so cute. Today finally he is happy because he gets to go to school tomorrow.

I wish I could say I have been enjoying this long weekend having husband around. But I haven't. Husband and I have been fighting and he is just annoying me. Why is it if I make dinner, I have to clean it up all alone. But he makes dinner I also have to clean it up? He didn't even rinse a pan. Sure he works all week and all that blah blah blah. (He sits in front of a computer, gets to use heated toilet seats and has free gourmet lunch every day.) I still do not think it is fair. If he makes dinner, he should rinse his stinky dishes. That's all I am saying.

Also, if he changes a few diapers. He has done EVERYTHING all day! (According to him) I spent 3 hours cleaning yesterday morning while he slept in. It has been over a year since I got to sleep in. He doesn't even have to wake up early on weekdays. He leaves for work at 9:45. That is so not early.