It's been a long year. Heh. Next year will be a much better one.

In 2008 I:

Lived through Post Partum Depression.

Lost some friends.

Made new friends.

Got pregnant.

Learned to like myself again. 

My goals for 2009 are:

Have a baby.

Find and buy a house we love.

Be more present and aware.

also:

Stick to the budget. Heh.

Today's small wonderful things:

Cheesy Gordita Crunch.  

Almonds.

Putting matching clothing on me and my daughter without realizing it. 

Giraffes. 

Crochet baby hats.

Today I am 33 weeks pregnant.

This morning my Lily walked over to my bed when she woke up. She handed me my glasses and said, "wa?" She was looking for my glass of water I usually keep next to my bed. Ever since Eric has left it seems like she said said something new every day. Yesterday while in the bath she said, "Out!" I am so proud of her. Without Eric around to talk for her she has really come out of her shell. 

I miss my wild and crazy boy. He will be home this weekend. The house feels empty without him. 

Now my wild girl is trying to climb on my computer so I'd better go play with her.

Woo hoo. Its letting me blog! It wouldn't work all day yesterday.

So after I got all my whining of my chest on Saturday I ended up having a lovely evening hugging my Lily. Then yesterday we went to the zoo. We all had fun and came home exhausted. Good thing I had dinner in the crock pot. 

Mmm. I love my crock pot. 

I'm trying to be not-depressed. I am trying to be a happy person. Trying and failing miserably.

Eric is gone. We have sat around the house and watched Kevin play video games all week. Not my idea of fun. I see all these blog posts about families, parties and wonderful holidays. I'm turning into a miserable old lady. I don't want to know how great every one's life is. I want a big Christmas gathering with lots of people. I want a mother who is not a fucking meth addict. I want a brother who isn't a god damned bum. I want a real family.

When I was a kid I had this fantasy that some day someone would come and take me away from my wretched family and give me an awesome one. When I married husband I thought we would be accepted into his family. Instead I am just insanely jealous that they see each other all the time and I am out here alone while Husband works constantly. 

We've been fighting all day because I just want to get out of the house. He says all I ever do is complain. But the thing is, I haven't complained all week. I have sat here and made the cookies he asked me to make. I complain once and then its all I ever do and blah blah blah. I am so sick of being made to feel like a stupid complainer.

Lily is 17 months old. I manage to keep her happy even though I am screaming on the inside. But I think Eric has started to notice that Mommy isn't happy on the inside. No matter how much she tries to hide it. 

Today's small things:

Lily making her toy horses growl at each other.

Husband and Lily cuddling on the couch.

Grilled cheese sandwiches.

Onsies in size 18 months. (Heh. Lily is adorable in them.)

Newborn socks. (Husband is annoyed that I have 13 pairs. He claims he doesn't even have 13 pairs of socks.)

Christmas eve small things:

Unexpected Christmas gifts.

Lily bouncing through the house.

Brie made with pasteurized milk so I can still eat it.

Friends who try to make me laugh when I am in a bad mood.

Speaking to my Grandmother I was named after again. 

Saw midwife today. Have only gained three pounds in the last two weeks. That's better then the six the two weeks before. Heh. 

New baby is breach for now. But I am only 32 weeks, he can still turn around. In two weeks I have an acupuncture appointment to try to get him to turn around. My midwives don't do breach vaginal deliveries so let's hope he turns around. 

Having husband home is great. He and Lily spend a lot of time growling at each other.

So yesterday I took pictures of everything we did. For "A day in the life of.." on flickr. It was a lot of fun. It wasn't an "average" Valeta day because Eric was gone and Husband was home. I really annoyed Husband with all my picture taking.  

It is funny how I have all these plans for when Eric is gone and then the second he leaves I am too sad to do anything. I'm not really that sad, I'm glad he gets to go see his Daddy. He was SO happy when he saw his grandma on Friday. She showed up two hours early and that was annoying. I hope they all have a happy lovey dovey Christmas. 

Husband is going to be home for two weeks. I plan on making him help me get everything ready for new baby. Only 57 more days to go!

Since I forgot to do it yesterday here are yesterday and today's small wonderful things:

Eric's teacher telling me the apple pie I made was "delicious."

Eric messing up Lily's hair and asking, "Does her hair look re-dic-lee-us?"

Warm socks on my feet.

Taking pictures of Eric while he makes silly faces.

Reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger again for the millionth time.

Warming up near a fire.

Silly dreams about my best friend.

Sticking my cold hands down husband's warm shirt.

Napping with my Lily.

Listening to Husband talk in his sleep.

Today's small things:

Lego Batman for xbox 360.

Apples.

Aveeno lip balm.

My heating pad.

My DVR.

So today sucked ass.

Had to discipline Eric in front of everyone this morning at school today. I felt like a very mean mommy when I yelled, "GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" Then had to have a talk about following directions and listening to teachers and why we do not take forks to kindergarten. He was a little embarrassed, I think. All the other moms were staring at me, so I was embarrassed too. 

Lily knocked the Christmas tree over while I was making a pie for Eric's teacher. Broke almost all of the ornaments we have. Spent an hour cleaning up broken glass. Dinner was an hour later then Lily is used to. She was in a very grumpy mood until she was fed. 

Seems like my "friends" only call, text or IM me when they want something. Never just to say, "Hi friend, how are you?" And when I call, text or IM them they are busy. 

Fucking R2D2 just rolled up behind me and scared the shit out of me. Geeze. 

Anyway, we are all a lot less grumpy. Dinner was yummy even though it was late. I had a good conversation with my mom(That rarely happens.) The pie isn't burned. Husband will be home in an hour and we have cheesy Bruce Campbell DVDs to watch. 

Today's small things:

The way Lily smells after I bathe her and use Burt's Bees baby shampoo. Mmmm.

Eric saying "Thank you." for clean socks.

Reaching 31 weeks in this pregnancy.

Stupid baby shows on TLC.

The way Lily says, "Ut oh!"

Thats all I have today. I am in a terrible mood because of rude people this morning. 

Today's small things:

Singing "I just can't wait to be king." from the Lion King really loud in the car with Eric.

Having a friend who is more pregnant (and miserable) then me. Mwahahahaha!

Blogs. I just love reading them.

Snuggling with my whole family under blankies and watching movies we got for our X-Mas.

Watching Lily make silly faces at herself in the mirror.

Today's small things:

Central heating.

Grocery shopping with my (first) boy.

Warm boots to wear.

My girl scribbling in her notebook.

Snuggling in the blankets with my babies.

Todays small wonderful things:

Watching the kids open presents.

Laughing at Lily when she likes the wrapping paper more then the $110 kitchen we bought her.

Asking Eric what his favorite gift is and he says it is the balloons that cost about $2.

Taking pictures of my kids.

Husband staying up all night putting together Lily's kitchen. 

Today's small awesome things:

Friends who will watch your kids for you so you can go be a grown-up for a few hours.

Babies putting their feet in their mouth. 

Dinner in my crock pot.

Getting Christmas cards in the mail.

Strawberries n' cream scented candles.

Almost every year, Eric's dad gets him on Christmas. Last year we did our big x-mas morning a week before. This year we are doing it way early. Santa is making a special trip just for us, tonight! Tomorrow is our X-Mas.

I wish we could wait until December 25 but Eric will be leaving on the 20th. He will be with his dad for two weeks. 

I am excited to see the look on his face when he opens this. And this and this. And Lily when she opens this, this and this. 

Usually we don't buy much for x-mas. But because of all the luck we have had this year we went a little overboard. 

Yay Christmas!

Todays small things:

trying on new shoes

eating nachos while the baby naps and the kid is at school

comparing my current pregnancy photos to when I was pregnant with Lily

sharing hot cocoa with Eric covered in marshmellows

singing "The twelve days of Christmas" with Eric and totally screwing up most of the words

Todays small wonderful things:

Three sets of hands on my belly to feel the new baby move.

Eric asking how to spell words. "How do you spell airplane?"

Lily shaking her head no and giggling.

Coffee with french vanilla soy milk creamer.

Husband asking me how my day was when he gets home from work.

I want to do this project. Everyone says I complain too much. So here I am making an attempt to not complain.

Things that make me happy today:

Lily saying "mama."

Eric's blue eyes. 

Boy newborn sleepers.

Tiny cloth diapers.

Waving hello to the mailman.

Ever since we started living on a budget I make a menu plan and I go grocery shopping on Sunday. Usually I take Eric with me since he hardly ever gets to spend time alone with me. He loves it.

This past Sunday, Kevin gave him a handful of change and told him he could buy whatever he wanted with it for helping me clean the house that morning. He ended up with a bunch of pennies, four quarters and a dime. On the way to the the store he said he wanted to buy a candy bar. He always wants one at the check out and I never buy them. So I showed him which candy bars he had enough money for. He picked out a Reese's fast break. He handed it to the cashier and then handed the cashier all his money. I couldn't stop laughing, he was so freaking cute. The cashier handed him back everything except the quarters and an extra penny. The bagger girl bagged Eric's candy bar and handed it to him. The cashier handed him a penny and a receipt.

Eric walked out of the store holding his bag and just looking at his receipt. He was so proud of himself. I was proud of him too.

My first baby is growing up so fast. As soon as we got in the car he ate his candy bar.  And he told Kevin all about what happened as soon as he got home.

Things my daughter has brought to me today:

Yoda Christmas tree ornament

beef flavored ramen noodles

bunny ears

yarn

a disposable diaper

You know that ticker over there --->?

It says I have 75 days left of being pregnant. Seventy five days. I will be the mother of three in 75 days. Lily will no longer be the baby. Eric will no longer be the only boy. 

Our car cannot hold three car seats. We do not have an infant car seat. AHh!

Okay, so I know seventy five days might still be enough time to get the car crap all taken care of. But I think I am allowed to freak out. I mean it will be Christmas in a few weeks and then New Years, Valentine's day. Then a baby. How am I going to handle TWO babies? OH gawd. 

Lily and I are sick. Back to wiping snot off her face every 5 seconds. 

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

29 weeks, compared.

I had a relaxing weekend. I spent most of it in bed reading. While Husband spent daddy time with the kids. 

We put up our xmas tree and stockings. Our tree looks funny, kind of half decorated. We hung all the breakable ornaments near the top of our tree so Lily wouldn't get them. The ornaments on the bottom have been rearranged by Lily so many times. At least she puts them back on the tree. She is such a girl. I totally love it. Husband really wants to have a real tree but I am not ready for that until the kids are older. Right now we are good with our fake tree and no pine needles all over the house. 

Growing up, we never decorated for xmas. A lot of times we didn't even get a tree. I have always wanted to have a wreath on my door. So I went and got one with fake pine cones and berries all over it. It makes me happy.

I feel like every day I get more and more uncomfortable. Yesterday morning I cried because I have to be huge and miserable for 11 more weeks. Waah. Heh. I'll live. I know so many women who would do anything to be as pregnant as I am. I wish they would all get knocked up so they can be as uncomfortable as me. And they can have this wonderful thing called motherhood.