Since I can't do anything besides bitch, and bitching doesn't help anything I am going to take a break from blogging until I have something positive to say.

Again I was woken up with contractions that are doing nothing. My back is killing me. My house is a mess because my husband can't pick up after himself. Blah. I feel completely overwhelmed. 

I guess I will be back in two weeks. Heh. 

Okay, so yesterday I was a little crazy. Husband came home and made dinner and made me feel a lot better. He is a good guy, that guy I married. 

Every time I say, "ow" while trying to hobble through the house Eric says "Poor mommy! I love you!." and every time I smile. He's a sweet boy. 

If I am going to be outnumbered by boys in my house, at least they are sweet ones. Most of the time anyway. 

This one pushing my ribs and hip at the same time is probably sweet too. I am just so uncomfortable to see it, lol.

I am a little depressed today. Okay, a lot depressed. I really just want to go hide in the closet and cry.

Yesterday while walking Eric home from school I started getting this shooting pain down my back. I could barely get all the way home without crying out.  I did cry when I lifted Lily into the car. I called my midwife and she had no appointments for the afternoon so I went in. Of course, I wasn't in labor. She says its most likely sciatica. There is nothing we can do about it. It will probably go away once I deliver. It hurts to walk up the stairs. It hurts to bend over. It just plain fucking hurts constantly. I've tried Tylenol, heating pad, really hot showers. I am scared to take a bath because I may not be able to get out.  The heat relieves the pain for a while but once I move around it hurts again. 

And I thought the walking would be good for me and bring the baby down into position for labor. No, it just caused me to suffer for the next two weeks. I thought I was uncomfortable before. I was so, so wrong. Things were great before compared to this. 

The good news is that I have progressed since Thursday. I am now dilated to a 1 and the baby is at -2 station. She said my cervix was thin but gave me no percentages that other pregnant ladies seem to get. 

I'm just going to rest as much as I can. Which really isn't much when you have two kids. Heh. I cannot wait to have the baby. I just want to no longer be in pain. 

Today I am full term. The baby can come any time he wants now. Apparently he is like his daddy and likes to play jokes on me. But since I have been pregnant a few times, I know he cannot stay in there forever. 

And soon enough we will not get any sleep and have a jealous little 18 month old. I am not really looking forward to sibling rivalry. Eric was 4 when Lily was born so his jealousy was a lot different then I expect Lily's to be. I realize things probably wont be exactly like I expect. But she is still a baby and wont know what is going on. I can only imagine what she will be thinking. ("Who is this tiny crying person that gets all the attention now? Why is he always attached to mommy? Why is daddy doing all the things mommy used to?")

Eric knows what to expect. I have talked to him many times about the new baby. He remembers what it was like when Lily was born. He is excited to have a brother.

I've been having contractions since 4:30 a.m. but they aren't very regular, they go between 10 to 5 minutes apart. I'm annoyed with keeping track of them now. They will hurt A LOT more when it is active labor anyway.  I am going to try to nap with Lily while Eric is at school. 

Because I am bored also. Things I have done are in bold.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland 
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma ( have never weighed enough and you can't donate when you are pregnant)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (husband's fault)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

I (mostly) use cloth diapers. I always get a lot of questions about them because they just aren't the main-stream thing anymore. Husband has told me he gets lots of questions about them at work too. At first he was against the cloth diapers. He thought they were too much of a hassle, and not really much of a savings. Ever since we started using all-in-ones he has changed his mind and prefers the cloth over disposables. I use disposables if we are going to be out of the house for a long period of time and over night. I never ask babysitters to use cloth because none of them are comfortable with them. I'm okay with that.

When Eric was a baby my grandma had given me a huge bag of cloth diapers and I kept them around the house "just in case". From the time he was five months until he was around two I used them whenever we were at home. I loved them. I wish I knew what kind they were, I have never seen any like the kind I had back then. Grandma got them at a yard sale so she doesn't even know, Then I moved in with someone who didn't want me to wash my diapers in her washer so I went back to disposables. 

When I was pregnant with Lily I knew I wanted to use cloth. I just wasn't sure about what kind because the only experience I had with cloth were the ones my grandma picked out. At first we tried prefolds with covers. These are the cheapest cloth diapers and the most complicated. I would not suggest them to anyone. Husband never liked using them. I spent like $200 total for Lily's first 4 months or so of diapers. If we were using disposables we probably would have spent twice that. When she got a little bigger I realized I hated the prefolds too. So then I got all-in-ones. Just a few weeks ago I got Lily some fuzzi bunz. I am loving them. They are so soft on the inside. I found them on clearance and spent $90 for 10.  I have realized I love cloth diapering, as long as they are all-in-ones. The prefolds were just so complicated I would get all stressed out over a simple diaper change. Plus Lily learned quickly how to take them off. I plan on keeping them around "just in case" anyway. 

I wash her diapers 3 times a week. I will have to wash them more when I have the new baby, probably every other day. It hasn't caused a dramatic rise in our water bill so I have saved a lot of money using the cloth. Cloth isn't for everyone, I don't think many daycare centers accept them. But I like them, they work for us. Just my two cents. Heh.

Yeah. So this morning, while doing dishes, I sneezed. And I peed. A lot. Oh. My. God. I was so embarrassed. Husband was a sleep and the kids didn't notice.  But, I peed. In my pants. That's what a third pregnancy does to you. 

I had my 36 week check-up today. I weigh 119. That's 26lbs of pregnant valeta. I am measuring at 38 weeks. I have made no progress. I was hoping I would be like dilated to a 1 at least. No. Nothing. Hurty contractions every night. For nothing. 

Oh well. I am just going to rest as much as I can right now. Hug my Lily while she still the baby. He can't stay in there forever. Only 6 weeks at the most now.

finding grace in small things:

Singing to Queen loudly in the car with Eric.

Lily falling asleep next to me.

New libraries.

Laughing at my clumsy very pregnant self. 

Dinner in the crock pot.

Today was Lily's first dental appointment. She had no cavities. She is awesome. Eric has terrible teeth and I have to admit, I didn't really take care of them until he was 3. I have brushed Lily's since they first appeared. Obviously its working, heh. Everyone always says your first child is your "tester" child. Poor Eric. I love him. And his teeth that have cost $800.

Barack Obama is now president and that makes me super happy. Today is a great day. Time to start anew.

Today I have been super emotional. I think I've just reached that point. I am no longer a normal person. I am super-cry-all-the-time-pregnant-lady. 29 days to go. 

I took Eric to see Marley & me and I cried A LOT. I don't even own a pet. But I just cried and cried. I feel sorry for the people in the theatre. I was trying NOT to cry but I sat there blubbering. And my friend Jen said Eric might cry. Eric was hugging me and telling it would be okay. He is my sweetie. 

Husband was awesome and did the grocery shopping for me while Eric and I were at the movies. He will probably have to do that for a while. I am just so miserable. He didn't mind because he got to buy what he wanted, heh.

I thought this baby might come early but now I think it probably wont. I will probably have to wait until February 17th. I have spoken to several women who say that they also had hurty contractions for the last month of their pregnancy. The very first stage of labor can just last really long I guess. It will be worth the wait and anyway I should rest while I can. Soon I will have a baby connected my chest all day along with two other kids to take care of. Yay life. 

Husband was telling me I should listen to this song. He is dirty. I bet he misses the me from 9 months ago. Heh.

My favorite lines are:

"I'm gonna break your back."

"I hunger for you like a cannibal."

Today is the first day this week I feel like doing more then laying in my bed and watching dumb tv shows. Eric went to school today. We are all slowly recovering from our colds. I plan on taking the kids to the park today. Yay. 

I am nesting. When I get little spurts of energy anyway. Yesterday I scrubbed the heck out of the kid's bathroom. I even used a toothbrush on the grout on the floor. But afterwards I was so tired. Heh. I just can't wait to hold the new baby and see what he looks like. I want to see how the other kids react to him. 

This morning I was wondering, what if they are wrong? What if its really a girl? Since I haven't bought many clothes it wouldn't be that big of a deal but I wonder. All this anticipation expecting a boy. I wonder if they are right. I just can't wait to meet him. Heh. 33 more days!

Today I had my 35 week midwife appointment. Baby sounds great. He is still head down. Though his feet are in my side and they are totally uncomfy. I've gained two pounds in the last week. I have barely eaten anything because I've been sick but somehow I'm still gaining for the baby. I told the midwife how I have contractions every day and how *sometimes* they are time-able for a few hours but they always go away. She said it happens. It could happen for 5 more weeks. I will know when I am in real labor. I feel like every part of me hurts right now. That makes me want to cry a little. But a healthy baby is worth it. 

We are all still sick. Eric has barely left the couch today. My poor little guy. Lily was up and playing a little bit so she must be feeling better. We have been watching Harry Potter movies and cuddling under blankies all day. 

Today I found out that the crib we have has been recalled. This is probably what I get for buying a crib at wal-mart. Heh. Husband told me not to get one there, I guess I should have listened. I'll have to see if there is a way to fix our crib or something. We really can't afford to buy a new crib right now. Lily didn't sleep in hers until she was 8 months old anyway. I kept her right next to me so I could easily feed her in the middle of the night. I plan on keeping new baby right next to me also. 

35 weeks, compared. 

This weeks small things:

Lily trying to sweep the floor.

Making cinnamon rolls with Eric.

A clean kitchen.

Freshly squeezed orange juice.

Plans for new baby.

Yay. New baby's car seat has been delivered. We have our big truck. All his clothes/blankets are washed. I found my slings. My boobs are leaky and obviously ready to nurse another baby. 

Today I have been cleaning up a storm. 

Now we just need new baby to grace us with his precious presence. Which could be like up to 8 weeks. Heh. 

I guess we'll just see.

Congrats to Jen on her new baby boy! I wish she would update her blog already and show a picture or two! :D

34 weeks compared.

Eric is feeling all better. Lily is still sickly. Husband worked from home today and was totally awesome. He made us dinner and took care of me and Lily. I was totally surprised because he normally just goes about his business when I am sick. 

I am having hurty contractions. Sometimes they are 5-10 minutes apart for an hour or two. But they always calm down and they are doing nothing to my cervix. I didn't know braxton-hicks contractions could hurt so bad you couldn't sleep.  Well,  I am carrying my third baby. The good news is, he has turned head down. Yay, no C-section for us. Doctor says I can have the baby any time after next week. So I guess we'll just wait and see what happens. Husband says we will just go to the hospital when my water breaks because he is sick of that place. Heh. I don't blame him.

I still don't know what we are doing with the kids when I am in labor. I have a few friends I can ask to watch them, but I hate asking people stuff like that. I fear I will have the new baby in a few weeks and Husband will be out in the waiting room watching them. Heh. Well, sometimes thats life. 

Yesterday was my friend Jen's due date and she hasn't had her little Diego yet. Everyone send her labor vibes so she can have her sweet baby in her arms.

Yesterday Eric came home. Lily followed him around all day and hugged him every chance she got. It was the cutest thing ever. I thought my head would expode from the cuteness that is my children.

Then I noticed him coughing. And Lily got a fever. Eric brought home a cold and gave it to his sister with those sweet hugs and kisses. So I have two sick kids. 

I have been giving tylenol, cleaning up poo, hugging and doing everything I can for my two sick babies. Because even when you are 5, if you don't feel good you turn into a big 45lb baby. Heh.

Even though I feel awful, there are still small things to be grateful for:

Lily's new word. "Cacker!" (cracker) 

Finishing crochet projects. (Sometimes I start them and never finish.)

A warm bubble bath.

Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Husband's laughter.

Yesterday when I woke up my undies and pants were wet. At first I thought I had wet the bed, but I had to pee really bad and there was no odor or color. I do drink A LOT of water though. So I go about my business. I make Lily and I eggs and toast for breakfast, I drink some tea. Then while I am taking Lily's eggs to her I feel wet "down there" again. When I was in labor with Lily (at 40 weeks 2 days) I was leaky until the water broke just before she was born. 

So I called my midwife. She tells me to go to the hospital. We do. They put me on monitors and blah blah blah. They test the liquid "down there" and say its probably not amniotic fluid. But I am having contractions. I have been having contractions for weeks, I just assumed they were braxton-hicks. Laying there, on my back with tight monitor straps on my belly made these contractions VERY uncomfortable. Hurty even.

They did an ultrasound. The baby is complete breech.

They do other tests. They talk to my doctor. Meanwhile I haven't eaten since 8 am. All of a sudden its 1pm and I am starving. All they have given me is water. I have asked husband to go get the cookies I know we have in our car but he doesn't want to leave me. My midwife calls my OB/GYN and they decide to give me terbutaline and send me on my way. 

I have had terbulaline once before, when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with Eric. We had a very large dog and I was out watering my "garden" (nothing really ever grew, but I tried.) and he ran into my legs. Knocked the wind right out of me. I started having contractions and my OB/GYN gave me terbutaline and they went away.  That was six years ago. I didn't remember it very clearly.

This time the medicine made me shaky and loopy and all I could do was cry. I finally got some food and that made me feel a little better. But I came home and I was still shaky for a few hours. 

I am glad we are home. I am glad the baby is still safely inside me. I still feel awful. My belly still feels very tight. I think it might be because of his position, my other babies turned before 33 weeks. Now I am going to go cuddle with baby number two, while she is still the baby.