I have blogged about using cloth diapers. I have blogged about giving up on cloth diapers. But this past weekend Husband and I were going over our financial situation and looking where all our money goes to see if we really can afford to buy a house and I realized how much money I was throwing away on diapers. Not only are 'sposies bad for the environment, but for two babies in diapers the cost is over $100 a month. Even if you use generic store brand diapers (which suck and leak and I hate.) 

A friend of mine asked me about the water cost to warsh all the cloth diapers and for three months our water bill only went up $20. In order to cut  back on a few things, I have made a vow to use cloth diapers again. Maybe not 100%. I will keep 'sposies for overnight. But during the day at least, I'm going to try cloth again. 

Sometimes I feel like I come off as one of those "high and mighty" super eco moms. And I so am not that. But I do want to try my best to live frugally and do what is best for the environment. 

Several weeks ago, while we were at the dinner table, Lily bursts out saying "Awesome!" We were all delighted and asked her to say it again and again for the rest of the evening. It was super cute.

She hasn't said it since. I can't really remember if Eric ever did anything like this. Learn something new and then never repeating it. Its silly. She just laughs at us when we try to get her to say "awesome!"

Eric found some graph paper and safety pins in my craft drawer and decided to create a book. He put the safety pins through the holes in the graph paper to hold it together. Then on what would normally be the back cover of a book wrote, "Eric's inportent buk." Then he numbered the pages 1-7. On the first page it has a drawing of 5 stick people, including a stick baby being held by a stick mommy. On this page he wrote, "We R trabelin." On the next page it has a little school house and 4 stick kids. On the very last page he wrote,"The end."

He did all of this on his own. He is not allowed in my craft drawer, but how could I be anything but proud of how creative he is? He created a little book all on his own. Before he started school he had no interest in crafts. I love them and it was always a chore to get him to participate in them. Now I find him making things like his book on his own and I love it. I hugged him, kissed his forehead and told him how awesome he is. He is a great little boy.

Yesterday was a really really hot day. For Milpitas, anyway. Around 5 pm, both babies were crying and just miserable so I decided to run to safeway to get some air conditioning. Afterwards, just after Husband put Lily in her carseat, as I was putting Gamma in his, Lily puked all over herself. Then all over her carseat. Husband grabs a baby wipe and starts wiping. I laugh at him. Like babywipes can clean up that mess. There were banana chunks, grape chunks and partially digested milk all over. Ewwww. Sorry if that is too much of a discription of her vomit. 

So I drove home as fast as I (safely) could. And gave her a bath while Husband hosed off the carseat. I got her all dressed in pajamas. And she barfed all over those pajamas. Then all over the kitchen floor. Then the couch. Then the rug in the living room. Finally she was done. And she was pissed. She cried and cried. We hugged and hugged her. I gave her some water and she fell asleep. 

Poor baby didn't have a temperature or anything so it must have been the heat and the milk I gave her. Duh Valeta, no milk when its really hot. But I didn't think of that when my sweet girl looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said "Nilk! Nilk!" Next time, I will remember.  Heh.

Today my little Gamma lamma is 2 months old. He just fits right into our family. We love him so much. He smiles at us and coos. He is going for one five hour stretch without eating at night now.(*knocks on wood* He may go through a growth spurt any moment and go back to eating every two hours all night.) He is 12lbs of cuteness. His car seat is starting to get really heavy for me to lift into the car. Heh, I'm going to get buff carrying him around. 

Eric's dad is taking him to Disneyland this weekend for his birthday. I hope he has fun. To be honest I welcome the little break from him. I plan on relaxing and starting fresh when he comes home. It has been really stressful with him the last few weeks. 

After school on Monday (Eric's birthday), I asked Eric what he wanted to do. He wanted to play at the park. So to the park we went. It was windy and Gamma was fussy. 

Then some kids wouldn't play with Eric. They told him to go away. It really breaks my heart when kids are cruel to each other. I remember being the odd kid no one would play with. I'm now the odd adult with barely any friends. 

Eric came over and asked me to make the kids play with him. I hugged him tightly and told him I was sorry. I tried to explain that I couldn't make anyone play with him. Sometimes people are just mean. We came home and played sorry, uno and monopoly instead. We had a fun day. 

Today my first baby turns six years old. This morning I made him blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Then we played Uno three times before school. 

He is wild, crazy and sometimes frustrating. But he is also sweet, thoughtful and loves his siblings more every day. I love him the way he is and I am so glad I get to be his Mommy. It feels like just yesterday I was changing his first diaper and getting peed on. Yesterday he gave me a piece of paper that said "I luv u Mom." 

Here is the story of his baby shower. Here is his birth story. Here is sweet post I wrote to him. I couldn't really say it any better then I did in 2006. I heart him. He made me a mommy and I hope he has a great sixth birthday.

nice lady at walmart: "Wow! How old is he?"

me: "Seven weeks today."

nice lady at walmart: "You have your hands full!" *looking at Lily and Gamma*

me: "I have an almost six year old too."

nice lady at walmart: "You need a hug" *hugs me*

me: "Thanks" *smile*

Today Gamma is 7 weeks old. We are starting to get back into a routine. He smiles and coos and makes us fall in love all over again every day. 

I'm starting to think my house will never be 100% clean. I have started to get rid of everything we don't use/need. Since I can only do a little at a time, it will probably take me forever. 

Eric's behavior has really gotten out of control. I am seeking help. There comes a point when I have to say this is beyond me, I need help. It has reached that point. 

I met Dooce. And Mighty girl. 

And I was a big dork. 

Yesterday started out crappy but by the end of the night I was in a much better place. As soon as Husband came home from work I had to run to the Target for diapers and then I barely made it to Heather Armstrong's book signing. I love her blog. And I love her new book. It was the only time I have ever spent only 10 minutes at the Target. I love the Target.

I took Gamma with me. 6 weeks old and since the room was full of women there were a lot of "Oh how cute!"s and "How old is he?".  There were so many people in the room, it got really hot. Gamma was dressed for cool weather and in my mei tai. I had to take him out because he was getting all sweaty.

Heather came out and read a few chapters from her book and answered questions. She was extremely funny and much taller then I imagined. Then I had to wait my turn to get my book signed. 

A nice lady let me cut in front of her because Gamma was getting fussy. I just didn't have enough hands. I walked over with my bag, my sweater, Gamma and her book in my arms. I was nervous. It was surreal to see a person I admire so much in person. I didn't know what to say. She asked how old Gamma was. I said he was six weeks. I said I was lucky I got to come. And she thanked me for coming. I smiled and walked away.

Then I walked by Maggie Mason and she stood up and asked about Gamma. She is really tall too. Why is everyone so tall? Heh. I suddenly started shaking out of nervousness. I really like her blog too! So I told her about Gamma and that it was so nice to meet her. She told me I looked really good for someone who just had a baby. I blurted out,"Well I didn't gain that much because I am small." What a freaking dork. Heh. Thinking back I don't think I should have said that. I don't know if it was really the nervousness or the fact that I skipped dinner to be at the book signing but I was really shaking. So I told everyone thanks and left.

Yesterday I was having such a bad day that I almost talked myself out of going. I am really glad I went. It was fun.

I am having a bad day today. And Gamma has hardly cried at all. The organizer of my playgroup closed it down. All my friends are moving. I am alone all day with kids and then Husband comes home and ignores me. I have no one to talk to. I miss taking a shower by myself. 

I feel like I will never make friends and never have anyone to talk to. Being an adult is hard. Being a SAHM is lonely.