My trip to Phoenix was exactly what I needed. But then I decided to bring home a 4 week old puppy. Having a 4 week old puppy is just like having a 4 week old human baby. Except they poop on the floor. And there cry is more annoying.

I spent time with my Grandma, my mom, my brother and my best friend. I love them all. I am worried about my mom.

I drove through the town I grew up in. I think its a good idea to reconnect to your roots. Even if your roots are scary. I went to the projects I lived in when I was 9-11. The person who lives in the one I lived in has the dish network. We couldn't afford cable or anything when I was little. Why are they living in the projects if they can afford satellite? Or why are they wasting money they could be spending to live in a safer neighborhood on that? Or am I being a judgmental jerk?

Most of the houses I lived in were still the same as when I lived in them. I was scared to stop my car at most of them. I am glad my kids don't have to grow up there. I am glad I went back and got some perspective.

Today was Gamma's four month check-up. Dude weighs 15lbs 3oz. My best friend's daughter weighed that at a year old. Boob milk works! Go Gamma!

I read that doctors are now suggesting holding off on starting solids until 6 months. I asked my pediatrician and she gave me the go-ahead to start solids now! I wont really be able to right away because tomorrow we are headed to the Arizona to visit family. My mom is gonna meet Gamma! I am like so excited! EEEE!

With Lily I made my own baby food. They add preservatives and stuff to the canned stuff and she never liked it anyway. I would just steam veggies for everyone for dinner and throw some in the food processor and feed it to her. It wasn't hard or time consuming. Plus she is a healthy eater now. Yay food.

Anyway, I'll be sending pics of our road trip to the flickr, so stay tuned. Mwahahaha!

Gamma at 4 months

Tomorrow, June 17th, my Gamma will be four months old. Has it really been four months since he was born? It doesn't feel like it.

At four months he can roll from his tummy onto his back. He can scoot around in a circle. He has the most delicious baby thighs in the world. Perfect cheeks for gobblin'. The most adorable laugh. I could listen to that laugh all day.

He is my miracle baby. We weren't expecting him. He suprised us. But he has healed us. My life should be more chaotic now that I'm a mom of three. It is more joyful, full of laughter.

Post partum depression is a terrible thing to live through. It took my Gamma to lift the hazy clouds so I could see the light.

After I got pregnant with Gamma, the person who I thought was my "best friend" slowly faded out of my life. At first I was my normal bitchy self. I was so angry and hurt.

But it turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me. I brought it up to husbandface one day. And he made me realize, I was not a good friend to her. I wasn't. After I had Lily I wasn't very good to anyone. I was in such a dark and dreary place. I was bitchy. I complained a lot. I didn't notice that I was a bitch. I didn't notice I was complain-y. I now realize. I have been a jerk. I have not been thankful enough for the great things I have been given in my life.

Now I feel like a new person. I realize I have made many mistakes. Said a lot of wrong things. Been a terrible friend. I cannot undo the things I have done. But I can be a better person.

And hopefully I will make new friends. And not be a crappy friend to them.

Because I have nothing to complain about.

I am sitting on the couch nursing Gamma. His tiny fist is wrapped around my index finger. I look into his eyes that are turning brown and smile. He looks up at me and smiles back. He looks silly smiling with a nipple in his mouth so I laugh. This makes him laugh and I laugh even harder because he looks even more silly. Nothing compares to these moments.

I am trying to use the bathroom alone when Eric barges in with bright eyes. I am about to yell at him when he exclaims, "I have some very exciting news!" I have an annoyed look on my face and say, "Really, what?" He says, "I have another loose tooth!" And he wiggles one of his bottom teeth. Immediately I am no longer annoyed, it is just so cute. I smile and say, "Great news!" Then I ask him nicely to get out and please do not barge in when people are using the bathroom.(I tell him this at least once a day, I don't know when he will get that it is not okay.)

For the third day in a row Lily bounds up to my bed at 5 AM. I sit up and she hands me my glasses and says, "eyes!" I guess she thinks my glasses are my eyes. Or maybe she is just telling me they go over my eyes. I don't know, either way I am proud of her. I take her to her room to change her diaper. She is happy smiley and I need coffee. I take her diaper off and she yells, "I'M NAKEY!" Then after I change her and put her on the floor she sways her hips from side to side and says, "dance! dance! dance!" I can't help but smile. Worth getting up at 5 AM for.

Snapshots of my life

While we are all sitting in the living room Lily has her baby-talk monologue and bursts out with, "poop! Eeewwwwww! Poopy! " and laughs. She just made her first joke. Of course, it's about poop.

I'm talking to husbandface while I do the dishes and say something that doesn't make any sense. He says, "think about that for a minute." I do. I laugh. I'm silly.

At dinner husbandface makes a joke about duck-billed platypus'. Eric asks what a duck-billed platypus is. Kevin pulls the wikipedia page about platypus up on his phone and they learn about them together. (turns out there is no reason to call them duck-billed, there are no non-duck-billed platypus.)

I try to squeeze a 3-6 month onesie on Gamma. Just doesn't fit. Gamma giggles everytime I put his arm in or out of the clothing.

Neighbors

Ever since Eric turned 6, I had been letting him ride his scooter in the street in front of our house. Unsupervised. I thought as long as he checked in every 10 minutes he'd be fine. I was wrong.

On Saturday I went out to tell Eric it was time to come in for the day. He was at the end of our street with several other children. An adult walks over to me and says, "Is this your son ma'am?" I nod and ask Eric to hold lily's hand so she doesnt run off. The man says, "I don't want him around my kids any more, he was taking his clothes off, and hiding behind my wife's car." I was in shock. Eric has often been inappropriate in public, and I usually just talk to him and tell him that it's not okay. I was just amazed that this guy "didn't want him around his kids." I was extremely angry.

I am doing everything I can to change Eric's behavior. But he's only six. I don't know why he likes to take his clothes off in public. I never do that. I have told him repeatedly that, it's not okay to do that. He goes out of his way to get attention from everyone around him.

I don't know why it's so hard to get help with my child, I have called every child psychologist on my insurance in the area. Not one ever called me back. My pediatrician tells me to "just keep calling." the school counsilor says the same thing. After a few weeks of calling every day without any return calls, I gave up. I have two other children to worry about.

The thing that bothers me is how no one is accepting of Eric. Instead of telling me about his behavior and offering ideas to help me, my first play group kicked me out and called CPS on me. Then this man down the road just doesn't want Eric around. It just seems cruel.

I don't know what else to say. I'm trying my best.