Husbandface and I generally agree on a lot of things. Most Music. Raising our children. Life. Morality. Religion. Politics.

But today I learned that Husband and I have VERY different taste in furniture.

Before Husband started working for the Google we really didn't have money to buy good furniture. So we went to Ikea and bought whatever we could afford. Everything we have ever purchased from Ikea, has either fallen apart or easily destroyed by children. I broke an Ikea table leg by ramming into it too hard while wresting on the floor the the kids.

Today we went to a several furniture stores and really did not agree on much. I found a chair with brown, tan and grey flowers all over it that I adored. Husband detested it. I want a four poster bed. He hates anything intricate. I have very romantic ideas about design. He likes modern.

We did find a dining table that we both agreed on.

Its funny. When you are falling in love, you think you talk about everything. Or you are just so infatuated you don't care what kind of couch the other person wants. You just love and want them. Then when you are married you have to compromise EVERYTHING, or maybe it is just me. I don't remember talking furniture or baby names before we got married. And here we are.

lily love

I'm laying on the couch with Gamma and Lily runs over and climbs in my lap. She hugs me and giggles.

"I love you Lily." I say.

"I love Daddy." She says.

"ummmm. " I'm thrown off by this. More and more she is chosing Husband over myself.

"Gamma loves Mommy." she smiles.

"Really now? Who does Eric love?"

"Eric loves Mommy."

I guess thats how it is now.

So yesterday we got a babysitter for the first time in nine months. NINE MONTHS. NINE MONTHS since husbandface and I have been alone and out of the house together.

I was worried about leaving my gammer without a boob. He is a boob man. A cute little baby man. But he took the 9 oz of breast milk I left for him out of a bottle and went to sleep for the sitter. The sitter had a five year old boy and a one year old girl and Eric and Lily had a blast.

I drug husbandface off to see New Moon. <3. And he made annoying "I'm too cool for sexy vampire" comments. Even though when I read the twilight series, Edward looked A LOT like husbandface in my head.

BUT ... then... right as Bella and Alice are driving in the Italian country-side in the yellow porche.. Husbandface's phone vibrates.

He runs out to the auditorium. I get that sick "OMG MY BABIES ARE DEAD" feeling and start biting my nails.

He comes back and tells me that Eric has put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet and flushed. We have no plunger. Husband decides that this is an emergency and we have to leave the movie early.

He made me leave New Moon right before the end. I didn't even get to see Dakota Fanning with red eyes.

We came home and it wasn't that bad. And I am PRETTY FETCHING SURE that the towels we helped the babysitter find as soon as we got home could have been lived without for a FEW FREAKING MINUTES. SO I COULD SEE THE END OF NEW MOON! UGH! But my babies were all alive and safe. And happily splashing in the wet hallway of our apartment.

(I am trying to stop cursing. I now say Fetching instead of fuck. Go me)

Also, I want to see the end of New Moon. *pout*

I was just reading Lazy crazy mama's post about being addicted to babies and I had an "ah-ha" moment.

Either I am addicted to babies too or just crazy. Usually I say just crazy. My sister-in-law had her first child Nov 7th and seeing his sweet little pictures makes me want to have another one some day. Not soon. Oh no! I couldn't do less then two years apart again. But it makes me sad that Gamma is the last baby I'll ever nurse and bond with. Next year I plan on going to school and sending Gamma and Lily to preschool. When they are all older I do not plan on being a SAHM. I love my kids, but staying home when they are older just doesn't appeal to me. I love life and I want to be out there living it. Doing good in the world.

I was scheduled to start attending Mesa Community College when Kevin asked me to move to California with him. I loved him. I knew I wanted to marry him. So I gave that up to follow him into the sunset. Then we got married. And I wanted my kids to be as close together in age as possible, and I was told by a fertility doctor that I might not have any other kids. So we tried to have a baby RIGHT away. And we had our darling Lilyface. Then Little Gammer came along too and he is a joy of a baby. But.. I'm only 25! I want more babies! Someday! Babies!

Who will I name Edward after my dad? Who will I name Iris Bonnie? (Not that husbandface would ever agree to those names, but still.) Babies. <3

Today I went to target to pick up some things and I ended up getting the kid's yearly ornaments.

Eric's, Lily's and Gamma's.

I also got this super cute wallet Lily is holding in the picture to replace the one Lily ruined.

I loves target.

This morning I left the sick babies in bed with Husbandface and walked Eric alone to his bus stop. We were a few minutes early so we were the first ones there.

I asked, "Do you still want to be an adventurer when you grow up?"

He looked at me all bright eyed and excitedly said, "Yes! and I want to have a family!"

"a family?"

"Yes! With lots of babies! And you can come adventuring with me too!"

"Where will we go adventuring to?"

"We will maybe go to China and the South."

"just 'the south'?"

"Yeah. And we can also go to Chile."

"that does sound like an adventure."

Childhood is such an awesome time. Heh. Anything is possible and everything is awesome.

Its a relief to know that some people come to motherhood easily. That a new baby is not difficult for them to care for. That motherhood is natural. Some of us (me) grew up without a real mother. Some of us had never been around a baby before having one. Some of us didn't plan on getting pregnant so young. Some of us have fussy colicky babies that scream and cry for hours without any end. Some of us don't have supportive family nearby to help.

I would never call my view of motherhood negative. I would call it realistic. The pros outweigh the cons on most days. But some days, some days, I don't know how people do this. Some days I wonder if I am the worst mother on the planet. Some days I think about all my hopes and dreams and wonder what I would be like, were I childless. I gave up those dreams for my kids. I gave up my youth. I do not regret that decision. But it is still there. The "what ifs."

Right now, I love my life. It really could not get any better. I am thrilled to be a mom. And I feel more comfortable at it now than I ever have. I have realized, what is important. Not being the "best" mom. But just being myself. Just being a good mom to MY kids. When I had Lily I was determined to do it "right" this time. I read every parenting book I could get my hands on. But she cried, a lot. She nursed all day and I never got anything done.Eric ran wild in our apartment while I sat nursing Lily most of the day. I felt I was a failure. But I am and was not. She is a wonderful, charming, intelligent little girl. And I am her mother. There is no "right" way to mother. You just do what you can. Or what you know how. Or what you feel is "right" for your situation.

We are all in this life together. We should support each other. Cheer for each other accomplishments. Sure, in my world, a shower before noon is an accomplishment. But I feel damn good when I get that shower. And that is okay with me.

So we are sitting at dinner and Lily starts dunking her carrots in her milk. Husband tells her to quit. She continues. I take her milk away from her.

"GIMMIE BACK!"

Husband: "Are you going to dunk your carrots in it?"

Lily: "Carrots wanna go swimming."

*laughter*

Husband: "Carrots want to swim in your tummy, not your milk."

Lily lifts her dress up and rubs carrots on her belly.

*louder laughter*

I know. I know.

But I am obsessed with this video. I freaking love it.

Dear Husbandface,

This Thursday, I am thankful for you. Thankful for your love and patience. Thankful for who you are. I am so happy that we found each other in a world that is so big and full of people. Just a chance meeting at a pool hall and here we are having babies and buying a house. Being all grown-up. Together.

I am grateful for all our life together has given us. I am counting my blessings everyday because I know it could all be gone in an instant. And I know that life is not easy for so many people in our world. But we are lucky. We are blessed.

And I am blessed. Because I have you.

Love, Wifey

It takes an intelligent person to be able to realize when they have made a mistake. To own that and do something about that. When they have taken on more then they can handle. Since we moved into our apartment, I realized this about my dog. Moo. She was super cute and a truly loving animal. But I have three kids. Two in diapers. A dog just added a lot more stress then I need.

So today, I gave her to a very nice girl who is set to get married soon. A girl with no kids and a empty house. Moo bonded with her instantly and I believe Moo will live a long and happy doggy life.

Good bye my pretty princess dog. I will always love you. I will miss you.

Eric: "My name is *mumble mumble*"

Me: "No, your name is Eric David White."

Lily: "Lily's pink!"

Me: "Silly girl. Your name is Lily Valeta Brown. And I am Valeta Jean Brown. And Daddy is Kevin Brown."

Lily: "Kevin Brown? No, Kevin Black. Daddy's black."

Me: "uhm... okay then."

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valeta/sets/72157622748278278/

Dear Eric,

Since the day you were born you have brought such love, wonder and frustration to my life. It's the love and wonder that make all the frustration worth living through.

I know I've not been a perfect mom. There have been days where I was so low I did not recognize that we are in this together. But I honestly do not think a perfect mom exsists.

Now that you are six and finding your independence every little thing becomes a battle. Sometimes you are so stubborn I can't help but laugh. Watching you grow and become your own person is a greater joy then I ever thought possible.

This Thursday, I am thankful life has given me the challenge of being your mother. I love you more then coffee. More then books and more then chicken nuggets. I only hope that one day you realize that all I do (like grounding you) I do out of love.

Love, Mom.

I thought buying a house would be fun. I thought going to open houses and touring other people's homes was exciting. But six months later. I'm done. After getting excited and getting disappointed 4 times this year, I just want it all to be over with all ready.

I am thankful we are lucky enough to afford a house. To get to purchase one. But geeze. It is A LOT more work and worry then I thought it was going to be. All 4 times we have put offers on houses I love the house. I get excited. I make plans what I am going to do with each room. I imagine myself waking up in the house. Then we get outbid or our offer just doesn't get a response. Or my dream house is under contract already.

I'm sick of getting the kids in and out of the car 7 times in 2 hours to look at houses. I am sick of garages and backyards and bathrooms and looking at bedroom sizes. I can't wait to have a home. I can't wait to be a real grown up.